Novel Workshop

Main Characters: Hayley Foster, DI Patrick Levington

Opening:

Hayley gets off the bus and goes to work as normal, as a babysitter/nanny for the Parkinsons. When she turns the corner into their street, she sees their house is surrounded by police cars. "They know!" Two police officers come out holding the kids. The eldest spots her and calls out. She panics and runs.

Ending:

DI Levington will put the pieces together and discover who murdered the Parkinsons and the Miltons and why.

Have not yet decided if Hayley will live or die. If she lives, she will be reconciled with her family and have to go to court for theft.

· Does your protagonist succeed or fail in gaining the objective you gave him in your opener?

DI Levington succeeds in finding the murderer. He may or may not succeed in saving Hayley's life. Hayley does not succeed in escaping justice, and may fail to survive.

· Does your story come to an emotionally satisfying conclusion?

I would say yes. Murder mysteries are pretty standard in that, if the detective or whoever doesn't find the murderer, it falls a little flat. Hayley living or dying will not affect the tying up of ends.

· Can you see yourself going through anywhere from ten pages to seven hundred and being happy to see the story end this way?

Yes, again, the DI needs to find the murderer. I think Hayley may die. I'm still not sure.

Essential scenes (not in order)

1. Hayley being chased by the Sachs along the pontoon walk at Kangaroo Point.
2. Hayley meeting Avril Sachs again.
3. DI Levington discovers that Hayley has stolen the money and approaches a judge to put a freeze on her account.
4. DC Amberley traces the Sachs to the vicinity of 2 unsolved murders.
5. The Sachs kidnap Hayley and demand the money from her.
6. Hayley manages to escape and flees onto the river bank.

Other scenes (not in order)

7. Interview with Mrs Foster after she reports Hayley missing
8. DS Michaels travels to Gympie to investigate auto shop
9. Hayley moves into inner-city apartment and goes on a spending spree
10. The detectives discover the missing insurance money
11. DS Michaels investigates Robert Foster
12. Hayley calls her mother after escaping from the Sachs
13. Detectives piece together how the money was taken
14. Discover how the signature was forged on the change of bank details form (traced, exact match)
15. Interview with the Sachs, they tell the detectives that Hayley gave her last name as French (not Foster).
16. Find out that the Milton's money was transferred 4 weeks after they died
17. Report on Milton's death says brake failure - no fluid. Could not slow down for corner and spun out of control.
18. Discover that the Sachs were minor shareholders and knew that the Miltons were major shareholders
19. Hayley's gradual loss of society due to her personality
20. Hayley's spending spree

Character	Number of Scenes (2 spare)
DI Patrick Levington	32
Hayley Foster	16

/Red out.